everyday inspiration

Extroverted Introverts: Who They Are and Why I Am One

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If you were to ask husband whether I’m an extrovert or an introvert, he would say undoubtedly extrovert. I would strongly disagree. And I did. And we had a 30-minute semi-heated debate about it.

We eventually came to the same conclusion – we’re both extroverted introverts, but I’m a little more on the extroverted side than he is.

I had always thought I was an extrovert. But then I heard it’s about how you recharge, either with people or without, so I thought for sure I was an introvert. I’ve always loved being with people and hanging out in big groups, but I equally loved (and needed) my alone time. (This became apparently clear when I lived with 4 roommates in college.)

Was I an anomaly? Did anyone else feel the same way?

I saw an article recently about extroverted introverts. I clicked, read the article, read another article and was 100% convinced I’d finally found a term to describe me.

So, here’s a little insight into extroverted introverts aka ME …

  1. We’re often quiet, and don’t feel the need to talk all the time.
    • I enjoy listening to people and observing them. I’m very perceptive and want to really understand who you are as I’m getting to know you. This is part of why I loved Journalism so much because it was acceptable to ask a lot of questions and just listen.
  1. We enjoy one-on-one conversations and hate small talk.
    • Want to grab coffee or wine and talk? I would love that. I hate small talk, and would much rather talk about something real so I can get to know you more.
  1. We’re open to meeting your other friends. Just let us know ahead of time that we’ll be meeting new people so we can mentally prepare ourselves to socialize.
    • SO so true, and it’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t understand this. I need to know the level of energy I’m going to need at an event. If it’s just my two best friends that’s one thing, but if they’re bringing two new people that’s an entirely different thing.
  1. It can be hard to get us out, but we’ll have a great time when we go out.
    • If I get home and put my sweats on and hair up, THEN you call me to go out, it will be difficult to get me out of the house. But if I do go, I’ll always have a great time.
  1. We get mad at ourselves for wanting to stay in and letting our friends down.
    • This isn’t just about FOMO, but I also feel genuinely bad when I don’t hang out with friends when they want me to, and can beat myself up for just wanting to stay in.
  1. Let’s talk about weekends – we love to socialize, but we also need time to recharge.
    • I was just telling someone the other day, I can go out on a Friday night, but then I better not have plans on Saturday night. I need my time at home to recharge, read my book and just chill. Doing something every weekday or weekend evening is just too much.
  1. We make new friendships easily, but have trouble maintaining them.
    • When in social mode, I find it easy to make new friends. Maintaining those friendships is another story. It’s hard to disperse my energy between lots of people.
  1. When in a comfortable setting, we can often be the life of a party.
    • My extrovertedness can easily come out when I’m with the right people, that’s why so often people think I am an extrovert because that’s what gets the attention. But …
  1. We can be so content at home all day doing nothing.
    • True extroverts want to be out and about all the time, doing something, with someone. They don’t turn down an invitation to hang out. And I do, absolutely I do, because I truly enjoy doing nothing sometimes.
  1. But it’s a delicate balance.
    • If I stayed home all weekend doing absolutely nothing, I would be so ready to call up all my friends and party Monday night. But if I went out all weekend, I would be overwhelmed and exhausted and stressed and just not in a good place. This often clashes with my people pleasing personality and I will say yes to things all weekend, and I end up so discontent Sunday evening.

So now you know –

if you invite me to do something and I say no, it’s not you. It’s me.

xo xo

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2 responses

  1. SJJ

    I’m definitely this! I was the same, always thought I was an extrovert, cos I love company and being with friends but I too need so much time to recover and struggle to agree/get to the going out part. Glad not to be alone 🙂

    July 19, 2016 at 9:38 pm

  2. Yes! I find most writers I know fit this pattern. I’ve also heard us described as “gregarious loners” who get along with many people but are close to just a few.

    September 14, 2016 at 9:32 pm

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